Both
loneliness and shyness are a lot more common than they are believed to be and
their consequences on individuals’ mental, emotional, and physical health is a
lot more debilitating than it is believed to be. Even the extreme form of
shyness, which is social anxiety (the persistent fear of being negatively
scrutinized by others and the fear of being embarrassed and humiliated in
social situations), has been found to be very common - third most common
psychological problem all over the world.
Loneliness
and shyness have been found to be associated with each other. An individual
with loneliness is likely to suffer from shyness or social anxiety; likewise,
an individual with shyness or social anxiety is very likely to experience
loneliness. Many of the consequences of loneliness and shyness are also common;
some of the major consequences of both being depression, low self-esteem,
inferiority complex, and lack of self-confidence and self-belief.
In
extreme cases such individuals should go for professional help. One of the most
common techniques used to overcoming loneliness and shyness is cognitive
behavioral therapy, in which individuals’ faulty adaptive behaviors and faulty
thinking patterns along with negative feelings associated with the experience
of loneliness and shyness are altered to more adaptive and positive thoughts,
feelings, and behaviors.
In
less extreme cases, however, individuals, in their day-to-day life, can try to
alter their behaviors and develop strategies in which they could cope and deal
with their difficulties associated with loneliness and shyness. This could also
be done initially, by individuals who suffer from extreme forms of loneliness
and shyness, as their lack of self-confidence and awkwardness in social situations
may cause them to hesitate in going for therapy.
There
are a number of ways in which lonely and shy individuals can help themselves in
dealing with their difficulties. These are given below:
Identification of
Strengths
Each person has some strengths. The key is
to identify those strengths. The identification of these strengths will boost
the self-esteem of that person and will make him/her feel that there is
something good about him/her. With time the confidence due to identification of
that strength(s) increases. Even a little bit of confidence can turn out to be
very fulfilling for lonely and shy individuals.
Being
with Likeminded People
For lonely and shy individuals, it is
always good to be with like-minded people and spending time with people who have
similar interests. Being with similar people will reduce the feeling of
self-consciousness. It will help in interaction with little hesitation, reduce
the feeling of being left out, will bring in positive vibes, and help in
developing a positive mood.
Finding
a means for Self-expression
Individuals with loneliness and shyness can
find it to be very helpful if they try to share their feelings with people who
they feel understand them. If not with people, then indulging in writing can be
a great medium for self-expression. Individuals can write about issues that they
feel passionate about; they can maintain a diary. The internet can also be used
as a way for self-expression. The individual can share experiences of self with
others on online forums. They can talk about their difficulties and experiences
on blogs. Self-expression has been found to lead to better mental health. It
reduces the feeling of worthlessness and makes individuals feel better about
themselves.
Guided
Visualization
Guided visualization is about overlooking
the negatives in the current situation and thinking about how things could get
better. Having a positive attitude towards life is the key to a successful
living. In difficult situations, individuals with loneliness and shyness must
learn to tackle conditions by imagining a possibly good reason behind it and
sorting the best way to handle it in calm and composed manner. One must try to
overlook the present gruesome conditions and think of the time lying ahead of
it, which might give pleasure along with strength. Being hopeful that things
will get better in the future helps in instilling self-belief that things will
get better in the future.
Avoid
Making Comparisons
Each person is a unique individual. For individuals
with loneliness and shyness, it is always better to be like they are and avoid
comparisons in life. A person should not try to be like someone else and should
stop aiming for other lifestyles. They should always focus on who they are and
be what they are. Making comparison is an irrelevant aspect of life. It is more
important to identify oneself, realize ones true potential and ones goals in
life. Individuals should focus on their own strengths and the things that
inspire them, instead of wanting to be like someone else.
Breathing/Relaxation
Individuals with loneliness and shyness
tend to become anxious in social situations, which increase their breathing
rate. Breathing rate tends to be a marker for the level of anxiety at any time.
Short breaths depict sudden terror or anxiety felt by the brain and the body. In
situations of fear and panic attacks, in social situations, deep breathing
exercises can be very helpful. By taking long continuous breaths, signals are
sent to the brain not to panic and stay calm. Loosening of muscles also works
in the same manner.
Self-Talk
During anxiety, too many thoughts start occurring
in the mind. The person’s brain starts an over production of thoughts and ideas
that may have little logic. These thoughts can even heighten up in nervousness
and distress. In such situations, individuals should try to calm themselves
down. The person should start indulging in self-talk, such as to challenge themselves
by asking questions and finding the answers to it. This can turn out to be very
useful because after this, the person feels much better and very much in
control of his/her thoughts, feelings, and behaviour.
Behavioral
Rehearsal
Behavioral rehearsal is about imagining the
whole social situation beforehand. The person may think of all that can be
spoken and try to have the whole conversation in his/her head. This can give a
basic idea of a forthcoming situation. It prepares the individual in how to
react appropriately. It also helps in relaxing oneself and dealing with the
anxiety associated with a specific social situation.
Confronting
the Fears
Lonely and especially shy individuals
develop a fear of being in social situations and interacting with others. Instead
of evading such situations and making things get worse, the person must work on
these fears, try to figure them out and try to deal with them. This is a useful
way of dealing with these problems because they tend to be exacerbated if left just
like that.
Learning
about the Fears
This involves a keen observation and record
of the fears and problems faced by the individual. The individual should keep a
track of that happens and, accordingly set small yet achievable goals regarding
reduction of inner fears. By doing so, lonely and shy individuals can specify
the exact reason of fear in a wide range of social situations. Once they get to
know about specific fear arousing situation/object, they can then try to
confront it and try to deal with it effectively.
Self-appreciation
Individuals with loneliness and shyness
often develop a low self-esteem and lack confidence. Such individuals should
concentrate on their contributions or on what they can contribute in their life
and society in general. They should try to appreciate what they have done so
far and think about the benefits of their contributions around them. This realization
will bring about a change in their self-evaluation and will enhance their confidence.
It will also help in delivering with maximum efficiency. The more confident they
will feel, the more satisfied they will feel about themselves. Apart from this,
they should also always praise their own success, which will further add to
self-appreciation and make them feel better about themselves.
These aforementioned strategies, which
small alterations in thoughts and behavior, help lonely and shy individuals a
lot in dealing with and to quite an extent overcoming with their difficulties.
Apart from bringing about changes in themselves,
it also becomes important for others to act in certain ways towards them, which
may help them to feel better about themselves and feel more accepted. One of
the best ways for lonely and shy individual to deal with their difficulties is
the feeling of being accepted by others. This can only happen when and if those
others think and behave in specific ways. Such actions/behaviors are given
below:
Being
Aware
Just being aware about the various
problems, difficulties that people face can be very helpful. Being aware gives
an understanding of such issues. It will make them sensitive towards lonely and
shy individuals and will develop empathy towards them. The development of an
empathetic feeling towards lonely and shy individuals will encourage them to
shed their inhibitions and make them try to interact with others in a better
manner.
Understanding
and Acceptance
There should be an understanding about
individual differences. An understanding that there are different types of
individuals, with different types of behavior patterns helps a lot. This
understanding can develop a feeling of acceptance for lonely and shy
individuals. It is acceptance what such people need to feel better.
Care
and Encouragement
Showing care and concern for such people
becomes very important. People should not indulge in harassing or making fun of
them. They should show appreciation for any of their talents and strengths. They
should encourage them to come forward and express themselves and try to mix up
with others. Even a small word of appreciation and encouragement can turn out
to be very fruitful for lonely and shy individuals.
Parents
Should Be Supportive
Parents need to be supportive towards their
children who are lonely or shy. They should not be critical about them. They
should develop a relationship in which they share and discuss their problems
and issues with them. They should not take signs of withdrawal in their child
lightly (which are the initial signs of feeling lonely and shy). They should be
able to identify early signs of loneliness and/or shyness/social anxiety. They
should also put in all the effort to help the child and make them feel
comfortable and should not in any way make them feel unwanted.
Teachers
Should Be Sensitive
Teachers need to be sensitive towards
lonely and shy individuals in the classroom. They should try not to be critical
to them, especially in front of others. They should always show appreciation in
front of others. They should also be able to identify any kind of signs and
symptoms of loneliness and shyness (such as sitting alone, away from others, or having a sad expression), and take actions accordingly. Teachers should
also be aware about a student being bullied by others and help him/her not to
feel embarrassed in such situations. They should always encourage the students
to share their personal problems with them and try to help them as much as
possible.
If people, including peers, friends,
parents, siblings, relatives, and teachers keep these things in mind, they will
be helping lonely and shy individuals to a great extent. Such behaviors can be
very encouraging and soothing for individuals with loneliness and shyness. It can
prove to be very significant in helping them to cope and overcome with many of
their difficulties.
Loneliness and shyness are serious issues
that are quite often ignored. Both can be dealt with if individuals having
these problems consciously make some minor, yet significant, alterations in
their behavior and thought processes. It also becomes a lot easier for lonely
and shy individuals if others, in their surroundings, are more aware, caring,
and accepting about such issues, and do not see it as something that is
trivial.
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